So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
