what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to cum in my sink.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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