i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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