If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
