I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize