i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
