you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Panties = found
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
