Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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