so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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