guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
