Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need water and some morals
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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