I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
