i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
