Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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