just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
