I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
