Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
