I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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