So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
