Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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