There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
