yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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