Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize