did you get engaged???
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
