Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
