Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
