i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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