So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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