If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
