Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
