Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
