Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize