I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
