You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
