So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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