If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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