i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize