why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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