he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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