Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
