Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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