Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
