You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
