Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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