R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
