I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize