you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
