I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
