Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
