someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
