So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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