my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
