bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
