Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
