So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
