how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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