I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Randomize
