Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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