My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
