I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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