All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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