We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
