I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
