i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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