After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize