Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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