This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
