went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
