so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
