there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
