i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
