I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
