I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
