why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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