3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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