I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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