I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
