I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
