My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
