i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
not ubering you a puppy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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