I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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