he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize