You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
