The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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