White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize