When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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