I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize