i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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