Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
