if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
