...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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