hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
