dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
