i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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