"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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