i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
