I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
