If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
