The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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