There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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