you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
