yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
