I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
