I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
